I Really Hate "God Bless America"

Yuck.

One of the bad things about the September 11^th attacks, other than the mass death, destruction, the resulting wars, and the low interest rates that spawned the housing market collapse and subsequent decimation of the banking sector and economy in general, is how the attacks have affected Major League Baseball.

I’m a baseball guy, and even though my Red Sox have been conspicuously absent from this year’s playoffs, I’ve watched most of the postseason games. There are a lot things that piss me off about the playoffs this year: the insufferable broadcasting duo of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver; the insufferable broadcasting trio of Ernie Johnson, Ron Darling, and John Smoltz; and of course, the marathon length of these games. With the season on the line, managers understandably pull out all the stops and play the percentages. It isn’t uncommon in the postseason to have three or four different pitchers see action in a single inning. And all those pitching changes add up. And I swear the breaks in between innings are longer in the playoffs than in the regular season.

So what’s MLB’s solution to these long-ass games, all of which start at 8pm or later on the east coast and don’t end until midnight or later? They play God Bless America during the seventh inning of every fucking postseason game. Awesome. Way to add game time by injecting a completely irrelevant relgio-nationalistic anthem into the middle of the fucking ballgame.

During the regular season, MLB teams typically play God Bless America only on Sundays. And that’s strange, since people are asking god to bless America on his day off, which seems rather presumptuous. At Yankee Stadium, the hymn is performed during every game. During some of these renditions, fans have been literally prevented from moving around freely by stadium security, which is some seriously fascistic shit. But this postseason, some person or persons, somewhere, decided it would be best if this terrible song were sung during the seventh inning of every playoff game. And don’t forget, the national anthem is already sung before the game. Isn’t that enough for all you armchair patriots, you jingoistic fucks?

The last time I was at Fenway Park on a Sunday and they asked the crowd to rise for God Bless America, I remained seated for the whole song. Fuck ‘em. But I had no problem standing up immediately afterwards for the seventh inning stretch and “Take me out to the ballgame,” which is a song that predates God Bless America by the way. I imagine that many people around me thought I was being an asshole by not standing. No one said anything of course, because they were undoubtedly too chickenshit. This country is full people who think that being a great American means pledging allegiance to the flag, wearing an Old Glory pin on your lapel, supporting the latest war in a vast sandbox that just happens to sit atop a giant pool of oil, and generally thinking that your country is better than every other. And when you’re attending some apolitical event, like a baseball game, which is supposed to be a brief escape from the harsh realities of politics and life in general, and you’re told to stand and ask god to bless America, well you do that too. Why? Out of respect. Whatever the fuck that means. It’s like during the Iraq war when people slapped a yellow ribbon magnet on the back of their SUVs that read “Support the Troops.” (Apparently the irony was lost on most people.) And that was good enough. Sure maybe you voted for politicians whose idea it was to start the war in the first place, and sure maybe you voted for politicians who wanted to slash the benefits of the soldiers who made it out alive, but I mean, Jesus, you had the fucking sticker on the back of your car! What more could you have done?

I think I’m in the minority on this one. Most Americans believe in god, and sports fans are typically conservative, which is no surprise when you consider all the macho posturing that goes on in sports. I wrote an email to the Red Sox a couple of months ago asking if they planned on doing away with God Bless America at some point, and I haven’t received a response. The answer, sadly, is probably never, because the ownership of the Red Sox, just like every other in MLB, doesn’t have the balls to acknowledge the sheer pointlessness of the song and pull the fucking plug on it.

- Max

The Federal Reserve's War On Savers

Got any American dollars? Well you better spend them fast before they ain’t worth a Continental.

With a policy that has spanned the last two presidential administrations, the Federal Reserve has waged an all-out assault on the U.S. Dollar, and by proxy, the American people. It was about two years ago when the Federal Open Market Committee implemented its policy of keeping interest rates at or near zero percent for an “extended period,” in what has become a kind of running joke.

But the American people aren’t laughing, mainly because the joke is on them. They refused to go along with Bernanke’s monetary masochism, which he hoped would spur consumer spending and create demand for credit. Those visions have proven to be pure fantasies. Consumer spending for August was the lowest since March, and is still below August 2009 levels, which were below fall 2008 levels when Wall Street was falling apart. Furthermore, banks are reluctant to lend in these uncertain economic times, especially in a country where subprime lending served as a catalyst for the destruction of the banking sector so recently. Not surprisingly, the official unemployment remains high, hovering around 10%.

So the Fed has done everything in its power to discourage Americans from saving their money: rock bottom interest rates, quantitative easing, the attempted competitive devaluation of the dollar on the foreign exchange market, e.g. by trying to pressure China into allowing the yuan to appreciate. (The recent accusations from some American officials that China is manipulating its currency are hilariously hypocritical.) However, only until recently has the global economy cooperated with the Bernanke’s ambitions. Previously, sovereign debt crises in Europe, China’s rigid yuan policy, and the ongoing sputtering of the Japanese economy, helped foil the Fed’s best laid plans to depreciate the dollar vis-à-vis the world’s major economies and inflate the home economy upward by boosting exports and domestic consumption.

Now, after two long years of inflicting serious pain on American savers, the Fed is finally beginning to see some of the rotten fruits of its mischievous labor. The vigilantes are out in full force—gold vigilantes, bond vigilantes, and even Euro vigilantes. (Remember all that talk about EUR/USD parity a few months ago?) The Fed’s warning to the world is clear: You do not want to be holding our paper.

Indeed, the looming second round of quantitative easing measures (QE2, i.e., asset purchases, i.e., more money printing) has already prompted many economists to downgrade their growth outlooks for the U.S. economy in 2011. I suspect that the forthcoming QE2 is the primary reason for the stock market’s torrid run of late. Low bond yields and low rates on savings, combined with an inevitable inflationary trend courtesy of the Fed is having the surely anticipated effect of artificially greasing equity markets as investors seek higher returns. Expectedly, gold has risen to record levels, $1,381 an ounce as of this writing. And although a short-term correction is surely in the cards soon, the long-term trend for bullion remains up, up, up. Ditto for silver; perhaps more so.

Will Americans get the Fed’s “message” finally and begin to part with the money they have? Given that America’s total household debt is an astounding 123% percent of annual after-tax income, it seems unlikely that many Americans will take on additional debt burdens. Then again, never underestimate the American’s capacity to spend beyond his means. Whatever happens, this debt-ridden mess we call the U.S. economy is a completely unsustainable model for economic development. It is not going to end well.

- Max

Minnesota Vikings Change Uniform Pants To Wranglers

Brett Favre will now lead the Vikings by the seat of his Wrangler jeans.

Filed by Max Canning

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—In a move that Minnesota Vikings principal owner Zygi Wilf said is necessary to ensure the comfort and efficiency of quarterback Brett Favre, the team will wear Wrangler loose-fitting jeans as part of their game day uniform for the remainder of the 2010 season.

“I’m comfortable in jeans that are tough,” Favre said at a press conference Wednesday after the team practiced with the jeans for the first time. “I’m comfortable in jeans that last. I’m comfortable in Wrangler. They are real. Comfortable. Jeans. And I like to be comfortable when I’m on the football field.”

When asked about the unusual midseason uniform change, head coach Brad Childress explained, “It’s no secret that Brett’s been struggling a bit. Seven interceptions in four games isn’t like him at all. So we just need Brett to go out and do what he does best—chuck it up there and have some fun. We think moving to Wranglers is the best way to accomplish that.”

Asked why all Vikings players would have to wear Wranglers in addition to Favre, Childress responded, “We wouldn’t want Brett to feel self-conscious. Besides, what manly football player wouldn’t want to wear 14-ounce heavyweight denim jeans, built comfortable with a stonewashed finish and relaxed fit? I can’t guarantee you we’ll win the Super Bowl, but I can tell you that we’re going to be the most rugged-looking all-American football team you’ve ever seen.”

Robert Gilroy, a Vice President at Wrangler International, said his company is excited about the move. “We are absolutely thrilled to have the opportunity to provide Brett Favre and all the Minnesota Vikings players with quality, durable jeans that are ready for the rigors of four quarters of professional football,” Gilroy said in a company press release. “We also look forward to getting our Wranglers officially licensed by the NFL as soon as possible so they can be available to fans at pro shops everywhere.”

The uniform modification was approved by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell late Wednesday afternoon. Reached by telephone, Goodell stated, “Whatever is good for Brett Favre is good for the NFL.” When asked about the progress of the NFL’s investigation of lewd text messages Favre allegedly sent to former New York Jets employee Jenn Sterger when he quarterbacked the Jets in 2008, Goodell replied, “Jenn who?”

Although most of Favre’s teammates support the switch, not all players are welcoming the change. Newly reacquired wide receiver Randy Moss was visibly agitated as he walked off the field after Wednesday’s practice, and at one point removed and tossed his newly issued Wranglers into a nearby trash can. “How am I supposed to run streaks and beat my coverage with these pants flappin’ all over the place? I’m wearing the old pants on Sunday. They can fine me the ten grand for all I care. Ain’t nothin’ but ten grand. What’s ten grand to me?”

As of press time, Favre and Moss were reportedly engaged in a heated locker room exchange.

What Newt Gingrich Really Meant By "Kenyan, Anti-Colonial Behavior"

Don’t be fooled. Gingrich is a master rhetorican.

For the past week or so, the American media has been discussing some seemingly strange remarks Newt Gingrich recently made about President Obama to the conservative National Review:

“What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?” Gingrich asks. “That is the most accurate, predictive model for his behavior.”

A thorough parsing of these words is in order, not because they ring true, but rather because of the insight we can gain into how conservative rhetoric and message framing often work.

Before proceeding, recall that in 1996 Gingrich wrote what is now an infamous memorandum for GOPAC titled, “Language: A Key Mechanism of Control.” In that memo, the then Speaker of the House listed one set of emotionally charged words that Republicans could associate with themselves (“Optimistic Positive Governing Words”) and another set they could associate with their opponents (“Contrasting Words”). Here Gingrich acknowledged an unfortunate fact about the American people: they are far too responsive to rhetoric and are less concerned with substantive policy matters. Ironically, Gingrich features “cynicism” in his list of words to heap upon one’s opponents. After all, few things are more cynical than preparing a list of buzzwords to which you think your compatriots would respond in knee-jerk fashion. As far as Newt is concerned, Americans are not people; they are Pavlovian dogs to be conditioned.

Turning again to the present, let us examine Gingrich’s remarks about President Obama to see what’s behind these prima facie idiotic comments.

“What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension…”

Quick. Think of some things that are or are said to be “outside our comprehension.” Here’s what I came up with:

God

Satan

Demons

Ghosts

Aliens/UFOs

The common theme here is the unknown. And how do humans feel about that which is unknown to them? They fear it, whatever it happens to be. So really this first part of Gingrich’s question is constructed so as to suggest that Obama is unknowable, and therefore people ought to be frightened of him. While the saying, “People fear what they do not understand” is certainly cliché, it is very often true. Obama is particularly susceptible to this line of attack because he’s African-American, has a unique (and foreign) name, spent much time abroad as a child, and had a father born in Kenya, which is not a country typically associated with the melting pot of America. Hence the frequent suggestions by some conservatives that Obama is secretly a Muslim or at the very least sympathizes with Sharia Law, that Obama is an adherent of Black Liberation theology, or that he was born in Kenya and therefore should be disqualified from the Presidency. Newt’s message here is clear: Obama is unknowable and untrustworthy. Therefore he should be feared.

Continuing on,

“What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior…”

This phrase about “Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior” seems to be everyone’s (Left and Right) favorite part. Here Gingrich is reinforcing the image of Obama as a foreign and unknowable entity, unless of course “you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior.” And what American understands that? In fact, what do these words even mean?

For Gingrich, associating the word “Kenyan” with Obama while criticizing him is just another way of calling him an unknown, or a foreigner, or the Other, if you will. But insertion of the term “anti-colonial” really left me scratching my head. The extent of my knowledge about “Kenyan, anti-colonial” behavior is the Mau Mau Rebellion in 1950s, when native Kenyans fought an ongoing insurrection against British colonial soldiers who were occupying their land. If this story sounds familiar, that’s because it has played out many times literally the world over, including here in the 1770s when Americans took up arms against their British colonial oppressors, who were far nicer to the Americans than they were to the Kenyans. Furthermore, as an ideology, “colonialism” has a notoriously bad reputation and rightfully so. Conquering foreign peoples, pillaging their resources, and taking their land forcibly for one’s own use is frowned upon by virtually everyone across the political spectrum. It is one thing to advocate an interventionist foreign policy (à la George W. Bush), but it’s quite another to imply that being “anti-colonial” is somehow wrongheaded (à la King George III).

Of course, I haven’t heard anyone in the media besides AlterNet point this out—that not only should Barack Obama have an “anti-colonial” worldview, but so should everyone on the planet.

Continuing on,

“What if [Obama] is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?”

Quick. What are things people “piece together”?

Puzzles

Crime scenes

IKEA furniture

Ouija board sessions

The common theme here is frustration. When one “pieces together” something such as one of the above, it can be a very rewarding experience. But like cracking a code the process of getting there can be a very painstaking experience fraught with aggravation and angst. Here Gingrich wishes to convey the message that Obama is a puzzle to be solved, but only by those few who understand “Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior.” Unfortunately, the vast majority of people never will, and thus Obama will remain “outside our comprehension.”

While it is true that Gingrich is not making an outright claim but rather asking a question about Obama, the mere musing is suggestive enough to accomplish the rhetorical goal of painting the President as an outsider who is hopelessly inaccessible to most Americans. Furthermore, in the very next sentence Gingrich immediately transforms his “question” into a “fact” by stating,

“That is the most accurate, predictive model for his behavior.”

Thus we see that Newt’s question was a rhetorical one, a statement of “fact” designed to strike upon the key themes of foreignness, mysteriousness, and uncertainty.

The phrase, “predictive model for his behavior” is not one that is heard in everyday conversation. If it is heard at all such a statement is most likely to be uttered by a naturalist studying an elusive species of animal, or perhaps by a psychologist attempting to understand the behavior of a manic depressive or a schizophrenic. Either way, the phrase “predictive model for his behavior” is crafted so as to dehumanize Obama, to make him into an object of study rather than a fellow human being or a fellow American. “Predictive modeling” is not something in which most people engage, and certainly not in regards to their fellow humans. Thus, Gingrich is again reinforcing the idea that Obama is unknowable, and also that attempts to understand him or indeed, connect with him as a human being, is sure to be a futile endeavor.

The above analysis of a mere two sentences is admittedly lengthy. However, these statements typify modern conservative rhetoric. It is a rhetoric that requires enemies to tear down. American conservatism today is bereft of any real ideas or actual solutions, and so it must constantly be attacking something in order to be effective. Conservatives have seemingly cornered the market on patriotism, not because they are truly great patriots, but because they are constantly railing against both real and imagined boogeymen who seek to do America harm. Hence the frequent use of the phrase “anti-American” by conservative pundits and politicians to describe everything from war protesters to secularism to a health care bill. Conservatives understand that the best defense is a good offense. If conservatives weren’t constantly on the offensive, they would have to spend more time articulating and defending their policy prescriptions, which are often quite unpalatable.

Key to political rhetoric—especially conservative political rhetoric—in contemporary America is the ability to convey deep emotional messages using a few hollow words. What came out of Newt Gingrich’s mouth recently was not an accident, and it would be a grave mistake for liberals to assume that his comments were merely off-the-cuff and said in an unthinking manner. Gingrich knows precisely what he is doing. He’s not alone.

- Max Canning

GOP Wants Tax Cuts Only If Wealthy Are Included

Senator Smurf explains why he’s holding out for the oppressed 2% of Americans who are fucking loaded.

As you know I follow politics very closely. In fact, it’s part of my job. So over 99% of the news coming out of Washington doesn’t surprise me in the least. But every once in awhile something will cross my radar that makes even a cynical bastard like me take a deep breath and pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming.

The strategy of the Senate Republicans vis-à-vis the expiration of the 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts at the end of this year is truly a jaw-dropping development. Not because we should be surprised at their line of thinking, but because they feel completely free to articulate it six weeks before a crucial midterm election.

In case you’ve been living under a boulder for the past few weeks, the Obama administration wants to let the Bush tax cuts expire for those making over $250,000 a year, while extending them for those bringing in less than that. If the Republicans had their way, the cuts would be extended for everyone across the board because as we all know, as far as the GOP is concerned, simply cutting taxes constitutes a comprehensive economic policy. But the Rethuglicans won’t have their way because they control shit in the government. The best they can do is block a move in the Senate by Democrats to extend the cuts for the under $250,000 crowd, and that’s exactly what they’ve announced they’re doing.

As you can read here, Senate Republicans from Minority Leader Mitch McConnell to centrist-right Scott Brown are loudly and proudly declaring that they will not vote for any tax cut extension unless the measure includes people making over $250,000, which at least check was about 2% of the population.

Two percent of Americans. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the base of the modern Republican Party.

Again, it’s not their position that’s surprising; it’s their total lack of concern for any repercussions from this whatsoever. I mean what does it say about the American people when one of the two major parties can stand up and announce that they would rather let all the Bush tax cuts for everyone expire rather than extend them just for the middle/working class, and not become completely fucked and irrelevant within 24 hours? And they’re doing this six weeks shy of a goddamned election no less!

But no matter, the Republicans will gain seats in the House and Senate in November. My advice to America at this point is to elect only Republicans from now until they reach their hearts’ content by imposing a debt-ridden, neofeudal, imperial state run by a banking oligarchy. (It should be noted that this is also what the Democrats want, but they’d probably let us keep Social Security, Medicare, food stamps, etc.) That way this whole great big project we call America will totally implode. The sooner that happens, the quicker we’ll be able to start all over, preferably by lopping off some of these people’s fucking heads in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

- Max

Meet the Press Is Terrible

And David Gregory is a massive tool.

I have never been a fan of NBC’s Meet the Press. Very few novel or insightful statements have ever been made on that program because of the nature of the guests. When Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner or Joint Chiefs Chairman Mike Mullen appear (as the latter did today) one can pretty much anticipate every canned-sounding response to come out of their mouths. Such is the business of interviewing members of presidential administrations who are essentially cogs in a well-oiled public relations machine. Even when opponents of the administration or ruling party are featured, their criticisms are also frustratingly platitudinous. You see it in the back-and-forth between Democratic and Republican politicians and liberal and conservative pundits which are fraught with shallow exchanges that reflect the impoverished nature of the political discourse. And it’s even worse when the moderator is in on it.

During the latter half of today’s show, there was former Fed Chair Alan Greenspan, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, and Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell. David Gregory was hosting. (I’m not one of those people who believes in a global Zionist banking and media conspiracy, but when you have four Jews and only four Jews talking about the economy on the major American Sunday news talk show, you can’t act surprised when those people come out of the woodwork.)

At one point Gregory quoted David Brooks’ most recent column in the New York Times:

The psychological war between business and the Obama administration also is taking a toll. Business types think the administration is stuffed with clueless professors. Some administration officials think corporate honchos are free-market hypocrites prowling for corporate welfare.

Gregory then added his own bullshit:

How did things get so bad? Because a lot of people in the business community say a big part of the problem is there's nobody who works in the administration that’s actually run anything, that's actually run a business, and that's contributing to their attitude and their policies.

The idea that’s circulating in the press these days is that the Obama administration is anti-business. It’s a crazy idea, but it’s out there. And not only is it out there, but here’s David Gregory repeating this garbage with an assist from David Brooks. Who but the American media or a deranged conservative could look at Obama’s multi-trillion dollar giveaway of taxpayer money to the private sector in the form of loans with 0% interest, loan guarantees, straight subsidies, stimulus spending, and a health care reform act that will necessitate a massive of transferal of wealth from the public to private HMOs, and conclude that this is anti-business activity? I suppose it could be said that the recently enacted financial reform legislation qualifies as “anti-business,” but when one considers the watered down nature of that pathetic bill, it is immediately realized that overcoming its constraints will be no great trial for the criminal bankster assholes who run this country by proxy. That’s the problem with the media: they are easily manipulated into false narratives that corrupt the public debate, so that when something or crazy is alleged by enough politicians or government officials (e.g., “death panels”), it suddenly becomes a serious claim dutifully repeated by media puppets pundits.

Let’s see what Alan Greenspeen had to say in response:

I can’t answer that question, and the reason I can’t is I've never seen anything like this. I’ve been in and out of Wall Street since 1949, and I’ve never seen the type of animosity between government and Wall Street. And I’m not sure where it comes from, but I suspect it’s got to do with a general schism in this society which is really becoming ever more destructive. We’ve got to change it.

Is Greenspan for real? So the animosity people have toward Wall Street has nothing to do with the financial crisis, but “a general schism” between Americans? How does that even make sense? If there’s anything that unites people on the left and right, it’s blaming the fucking banks and Greenspan himself who are the ones actually responsible for this mess. What’s that? Mayor Bloomberg wants to correct me?

The public is upset. If they haven’t lost their job, they know somebody that has. If they haven't lost their house, they know somebody that has. What do you do? When something’s wrong, it’s government’s job to fix it, it must be government that’s responsible for causing it. Government wants to stay in office, they look for somebody else to blame. And it's much too simplistic to say the banks did everything wrong. We all wanted to expand the economy, we all wanted to expand home ownership. We all wanted Wall Street to create the money so we could have all these mortgages. And then invariably that leads to excess, and then invariably that leads to a correction, more violent with time. And then we have to look for villains. And we’ve got to stop all this. One of government’s jobs is to promote the economy and to promote American commerce and finance and the arts around the world. And this constant tearing each other apart—we can sit down and we can say, “What did we do wrong?” and “How are we going to fix it?” But always pointing fingers and finding fault with everybody, we need to find solutions.

You have to give Michael Bloomberg some major credit here. The man has balls. Balls he should be strung up by for even making these remarks, but balls nonetheless. Here’s the eighth richest guy in America whose net worth as of 2008 was $20 billion, who founded a news organization that caters to big business essentially saying that we have to stop pointing fingers at the big banks because there’s plenty of blame to go around. And David Gregory just sat there like the douche he is, when he could’ve turned to Alan Greenspan and asked, “What about lowering interest rates to less than two percent for a prolonged period of time after 9/11, Mr. Chairman? How much responsibility do you personally bear for the creation of the housing (debt) bubble and its subsequent bursting?” That would’ve been the greatest question in the history of the show and David Gregory had a prime opportunity to ask it. But he didn’t, because he’s a big pussy and isn’t interested in catching the purveyors of conventional wisdom off-guard.

But I must admit, the words of conventional wisdom do have a relaxing quality about them. Maybe that’s why Americans are so tamed by it. See, the American people are like a fat person’s stomach. A stomach doesn’t like food that’s bad for the body, but very often it’s expected to digest it anyway because the person calling the shots likes three-bean burritos, nachos with a seven-layer dip, jalapenos, and beer (in that order). So the person in charge really does a number on the stomach by eating all this crap and the stomach gets uneasy and angry and rumbles on occasion. Whenever corrective action is needed, the fatty takes a big swig out of a pink bottle to force some conventional wisdom on the restless mass to sooth it temporarily. But rather than learn the lesson that one ought not to force feed the stomach in that way, he figures that as long as he has that pink bottle in his medicine cabinet, he can always calm the rumblings when they arise. Problem is, you can only wail away on your stomach for so long until you shit your guts out.

- Max

Worst. Column. Ever.

Bitch

The other day when I checked my email inbox, I noticed a friend had sent me a link to an Op-Ed written by a woman named Terry Savage at the Chicago Sun-Times. I am both glad and sorry that I read it. Glad because I now know that Terry Savage exists, but also sad because I now know that Terry Savage exists.

In her column Savage proudly recounts how she berated three little girls at a lemonade stand. Their crime? They were giving away lemonade for free.

“You must charge something for the lemonade,” I explained. “That’s the whole point of a lemonade stand. You figure out your costs—how much the lemonade costs, and the cups—and then you charge a little more than what it costs you, so you can make money. Then you can buy more stuff, and make more lemonade, and sell it and make more money.”

There is something sinister in wanting to disabuse small children of the notion that giving is good and telling them basically that if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing for money.

Then, using her sharp inductive reasoning, Savage concludes,

The kids are learning from the society around them. No one has ever taught them there’s no free lunch—and all they see is “free,” not the result of hard work, and saving, and scrimping.

Believe me, Terry, I think I can speak for all people under thirty years of age when I say that we got the fucking message on this one. Not only do we know that nothing’s free, we also know that we are going to be worse off than your generation, which to reiterate, is the most selfish generation in history. I doubt I’ll ever have the opportunity to collect a Social Security check even though I currently pay into it. And I don’t know what Medicare will look like by the time I’m sixty-five, but I’m sure it will be there for you in the twelve years you have to go. Asshole.

The arrogance and cluelessness of Baby Boomers never ceases to amaze me. If young people today are learning from the society around them, where exactly are they getting the impression that shit is free? Personally, I’m in student loan debt up to my eyeballs, I can’t afford health insurance, and home ownership is a total fantasy for me right now. And that goes for millions of people my age and younger. We hold no illusions about any of this.

Boomers don’t want to admit it, but their kids have it tougher than they did—way tougher. My father—a Boomer—was able to go to college full-time while paying for it with a part-time job. There was no loan, no debt. That’s unimaginable today. What’s also unimaginable today for younger people is buying a house that they won’t be paying off until the end of time. Even with the recent drop in real estate prices over the last four years, home prices still exceed what they were thirty years ago in terms of inflation adjusted dollars. Meanwhile, wages have stagnated, benefits have been slashed, public services have been cut, and people like Savage and Baby Boomer tea partiers are calling for more punishment. For example, Nevada senate candidate and quintessential teabagger Sharron Angle has called for the elimination of the Department of Education and wants to phase out Social Security and Medicare, presumably after she’s eligible for those programs. And a good case can be made for scrapping them. Those programs are in trouble thanks to the Boomers who continue to sap their funding, so Boomers want to do away with them, but gradually. After all, they don’t want to send themselves up the river with no paddle.

Here’s one more awful sentence from Savage:

And so the voters demand more—more subsidies for mortgages, more bailouts, more loan modification and longer periods of unemployment benefits.

Ironically (or maybe expectedly), Terry Savage supported the bank bailouts (TARP) in 2008. That means according to Savage, it is ok for the government to use taxpayer money to bail out banks that were struggling due to their own insatiable greed and risk appetite, but it is not ok for children to hand out free lemonade because it sends the message there is such a thing as a free lunch.

That sounds about right. It’s nice to see that the business pundits are once again bashing the American people for thinking they should be cut some slack. I mean who do these American citizens think they are? AIG? Citigroup? Memo to the unwashed masses: Welfare and bailouts are for businesses, not for you. At least, that’s what Terry Savage seems to think.

Newsflash: Millions Of Americans Stupid, Southerners Dumber Than Most

On Monday the Boston Globe published the ugly results of a survey asking Americans from which country the United States gained independence:

Twenty-six percent of those surveyed did not know that the United States achieved its independence from Great Britain, according to the poll, conducted by the nonprofit Marist Institute for Public Opinion.

Six percent named a different country, including France, China, Japan, Mexico, and Spain. Twenty percent said they weren’t sure.

The pollsters broke down the numbers and found gaps in knowledge according to region: 32 percent of Southerners weren’t sure or named the wrong country; 26 percent of Midwesterners were in the same category, as were 25 percent of Westerners and 16 percent of Northeasterners.

Well imagine that, the South has the highest percentage of ignoramuses in the country. Nearly a third can’t answer what is arguably the most basic American history question. You know, I don’t knock Southerners because I think we here in the Northeast are better; I knock Southerners because they think they’ve cornered the market on everything from morality to individualism. You hear it in their rhetoric: they’re the “real America,” not like us East Coast Elitists who exist only to undermine their traditional American values and kowtow to terrorists.

I was going to write a longer post on this, but then I remembered that everything I wanted to say has already been said—quite beautifully might I add—on fuckthesouth.com

P.S. I have decided that from this point on, I will refer to the American Civil War as Lincoln’s Folly.

- Max