Christian Scientists Given Doctor's Privileges

Thanks to Christian Science, claiming demon possession may get you out of jury duty.

A few days ago I received a notice to appear for jury duty in my home state of Massachusetts. After indulging my curiosity by reviewing all of the possible ways to disqualify myself from the process, I discovered something neat which took me completely by surprise. According to my state government, if you think you may be “physically or mentally incapable of performing juror service,” all you require to be officially disqualified from serving is “a note from a registered physician or Christian Science Practitioner describing the illness or disability.” That’s right folks: to get out of jury duty, residents of Massachusetts can submit a medical statement from a loony faith healer in lieu of an actual doctor’s note. It’s too bad only Christian Scientists are given such privilege in this state; otherwise I would have had my Nigerian Juju priest friend write me a note.

You may now be asking yourself, as I did, what qualifies one to be deemed a Christian Science Practitioner. Well apparently, "any student of Christian Science who has taken the 'intensive' two-week class instruction in Christian Science healing may use the initials 'C.S.,' and take patients as a practitioner." Now I know that might not sound like enough training to qualify one to make informed medical recommendations to a court, but I hear they really pack a ton of information into those “intensive” two weeks. What the fuck!?! I think I feel some serious mental illness coming on after contemplating this outrage. Perhaps I can find a Christian Scientist to write me a note confirming my suspicion that my soul is currently being assaulted by a troop of menacing imps. I should think that would be sufficient to get me out of jury duty. After all, it seems these Jesus scientists should at least be more qualified to diagnose spiritual maladies than actual medical problems right?

Taking two weeks of Christian Science healing courses does not only allow someone to make official medical recommendations to a court; some common health insurance plans will actually cover treatment by these practitioners. I guess that’s ok though, because according to them, their brand of spiritual healing is unique and certainly not to be associated with the practices of wacky faith-healers. As they say, “Christian Science does not involve pleading with God to heal the sick and then accepting His will, good or bad. A Christian Scientist’s decision to rely on prayer comes from trust, not blind faith, in God, and from a conviction that God’s care continues under every circumstance.” They apparently do not need to appeal to the crutch of blind faith because they also have trust in the obvious efficacy of their healing powers. Where does this trust come from? Well from scientific evidence of course, scientifically Christian evidence that is. The proof of their healing powers is well documented in the no-peer-ever-reviewed, Christian Science Journal.

Although the church leaders declare that there is no official ban on seeking real medical attention for members, that is still a big part of their unofficial doctrine and, as such, most Christian Scientists avoid seeking medical help at all costs. This can be traced in part to the church’s doctrine of the “unreality of imperfection.” According to them, “nothing in Christian Science theology says it’s God’s will that anyone suffer, be sick, or die. Christian Science shows God to be entirely good, and therefore His will for each individual is only health and life.” To seek regular medical attention, then, would seem tantamount to conceding the reality of human frailty, which obviously doesn’t jive well with the “unreality of imperfection” horseshit. This dangerous practice of avoiding proper medical care no doubt causes many a church member to needlessly suffer, but such a practice is largely protected by religious exemption laws. I see no reason to object to an adult’s right to refuse their own medical treatment. The real controversy with these laws, however, has to do with the rights of parents to deny their children medical care based on these wacky spiritual beliefs.

There have been a number of documented cases of children needlessly dying from their parent’s insistence on seeking treatment solely through Christian Science rather than actual medical care. In one horrifying case (1989), a child who fell into a (very treatable) diabetic coma was basically just hovered over by a Christian Science “nurse” as he lay on his bed dying. The kid’s father later filed a wrongful-death suit against the mother (who was with the child when he died) and the church. Unfortunately, an appellate court dismissed the charges against the church, and later, the Minnesota State and U.S. Supreme Courts both refused to review the ruling. If that does not make your blood boil, consider this: during the hearing, “Christian Science nurse, Quinna Lamb Giebelhaus, who cared for Ian, testified that Christian Science is an excellent method of treating juvenile-onset diabetes and that Christian Science nurses are well trained to care for patients sick with all diseases. She was asked at trial what training she had received specific to the care of sick children. Her only answer was that she had been taught to cut sandwiches in interesting shapes.” Now I admit that the last remark does seem a bit unbelievable, but even if she didn’t say that, it takes nothing away from the absurdity of this case. If anything, it just helps bring some humor into an otherwise hideously tragic event.

Thankfully, there is a growing trend of prosecutions over wrongful-death suits like this one; however, these delusional nut-jobs can often still get away with neglecting their children under the protection of religious exemption laws. These kids shouldn’t have to die before their parents are charged with child abuse. Unfortunately, the state’s tolerance of these lunatics only further justifies to them the “scientific” legitimacy of their faith. I guess I can’t blame them for that though. After all, Massachusetts considers Christian Science Practitioners just as qualified as doctors to write medical recommendations to a court. The fact that insurance companies also bill for their “professional services” only helps to perpetuate this illusion of legitimacy. This is obviously an egregious abuse of religious freedom. These kooks should have the right to worship whatever the hell they wish, but they should not have a right to impersonate licensed physicians and needlessly jeopardize the health of their children.

So it goes... In the meantime, I think I will use this lunacy to my advantage and have a local Christian Scientist get me out of having to perform my civic duties.

~Wolf