“I’m not a Constitutional expert, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”
For a group that’s always wrapping itself in the American flag while shamelessly invoking the ghosts of the country’s founders for a variety of batshit purposes, Republicans today demonstrated a comical ignorance of the sort generally seen on “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?”
Congressional Republicans held a rally in Washington DC today at which they derided the Democratic health care reform proposal—even displaying thousands of pages of legislation for theatrical effect. I guess their point was, if a bill is long—like a book—it must be bad (unless it’s the Bible). Rather than discuss the substance of their arguments yet again on this site, I’m just going to point out two transcendently ironic and funny things that happened at this rally:
1. House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) declaring, “I’m going to stand with you and all freedom-loving Americans against this bill. [Holds up a pocket-sized edition of the U.S. Constitution] This is my copy, this is my copy of the Constitution. And I’m going to stand here with our Founding Fathers [Dramatic pause] who wrote in the preamble, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.’ So join us and say ‘no’ to a government takeover of healthcare.”
First of all, Boehner was quoting from the Declaration of Independence, and not the Constitution, which to reiterate, he was holding in his hand. Second of all, what the fuck does the Declaration of Independence have to do with health care reform? Unless King George III had a hand in writing this legislation, the answer is nothing.
2. Missouri Representative Todd Akin, after a two-minute, one-man bull session about how awesome the Pledge of Allegiance is, in which he declared that its recitation “drives liberals crazy,” leading the crowd in the Pledge. Problem is, he left out the word, “indivisible,” as in, “One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”
What does this profound ignorance tell us about the GOP leadership? It tells us that for all their rhetorical Founding Father-Fucking, their knowledge of this stuff is extremely shallow. And by extension, that patriotism they’re always throwing in our faces to show us how what great Americans they are, is total bullshit. What this indicates to me is that Mr. Akin hasn’t said the Pledge of Allegiance in quite some time. Not that I care, but if you’re going to trash others for allegedly hating the pledge, you’d better make sure you at least know the fucking thing. Otherwise you look like an asshole. And Todd Akin sure did.
As for Boehner’s boner, well, that’s unconscionable. Here’s the leader of the GOP in Congress—a man who, if the Republicans were suddenly to become the majority in Congress, would be Speaker of the House. And yet, he doesn’t know that the most famous line in American history, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal…” is actually from the Declaration of Independence, and not the Constitution, written eleven years later.
Today, the right’s faux patriotism was on overt display for all to see; but despite this, the fact is that probably over three-fourths of the wingnuts in attendance didn’t even know Boehner had fucked up. And even if they did, it wouldn’t matter to them. He’s singing their tune. These people really don’t give a shit about what Thomas Jefferson said or what James Madison wrote. These long-dead intellectual icons merely serve as justification for whatever it is the rally-goers are pushing. In fact, if Jefferson and Madison were around today advocating policies at odds with the GOP (and they certainly would on several fronts), they’d be dismissed as eggheads by the very people who right now claim to be upholding their principles. Furthermore, I doubt that very many in attendance today have ever actually read any of these and other Founders’ writings. After all, the Founders were accustomed to writing lengthy essays which often contained big words, kind of like a health care bill.
- Max
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