Michael Jackson Dead at 50. Nauseating Media Frenzy To Ensue

Jackson leaves a strange and unparalleled legacy

Farrah who?

The death of Michael Jackson is the media’s version of the perfect storm. Here we have arguably the greatest musical icon of the twentieth century, combined with a knack for the whack, including bleached skin, nose jobs, and an unhealthy interest in children. Throw in an untimely death possibly brought on by a diet of prescription meds and Jesus Juice, and you have yourself a Category 5. If you thought the media’s extravagant nonstop coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death was rough, brace yourselves for the oncoming Hurricane Jacko.

In these next few weeks, Jackson’s death will be reported as if it’s an ongoing event. It will be everywhere. News channels, MTV, VH1, E!, radio, the internet, newspapers, magazines, Food Network, you name it. There will be no rest for the weary. Anything relating to Jacko’s death that can possibly be reported, will be reported, no matter how insignificant or factually specious it might be.

Speaking of factually specious, after several television stations had initially reported that Jackson had died, they retracted their announcements and said they couldn’t be sure whether he was dead. Thus, for a few moments, from the viewers’ perspective Jacko had gone quantum—he was a real-life Schrödinger’s cat, existing in an indeterminate state where he was both dead and not dead. This superposition, however, was lost when the networks reported that they had opened the box to find that Jackson had indeed died.

While the King of Pop can only die but once, his public charades will be replayed ad nauseum by the perpetually celebrity-obsessed media. How many times can the public be shown a clip of Jackson dangling his baby son off a balcony? How much discussion can there be about his music legacy, his legal troubles, and his rocky personal life? Who will get custody of his kids? Just how much coverage can the death of a single person possibly garner? The answers to these and many other questions will be revealed in due course, whether we want to know them or not. Unless you plan on avoiding all forms of media for the nest few weeks, as well as coworkers, friends, and relatives, prepare for a Michael Jackson overload. If you don’t know a whole about the man right now, you will soon enough.

Despite his amazing achievements and unmatched success, Michael Jackson was obviously a sad figure in many ways. Pushed further and further into the entertainment business by an abusive and overbearing father at a very early age, Jackson was robbed of a normal childhood. Building his “Neverland” ranch was a strange and futile attempt to regain what he long ago had lost. Although Jackson’s interest in children was downright creepy and possibly led him to inappropriate and illegal behavior, we can’t say for sure. After all, the parents who accused Jackson of molesting their children turned out to be total scumbags in their own right.

Reclusive in life, Jackson will be ubiquitous in death. At least for awhile. His talents, his antics, and his sudden death will make sure of that. And although every story doesn’t have to have a lesson, perhaps Jackson’s does. Kids today are under so much pressure to do well in school, to participate in sports they don’t care about, and to engage in all kinds of structured activities designed to build “character.” The truth is, unless a child is a total hellion, he or she is best left receiving as little supervision as possible. But instead, there are parents who freak out because they have little grade-schoolers who are hyperactive, and so they take them to see prescription-happy doctors who diagnose them with ADD, ODD, RLS, or whatever the fuck is the disorder du jour.

Having a domineering parent probably won’t make a kid grow up just like Michael Jackson, but over-parenting can have lasting negative effects. You see this in overachievers who are miserable and never satisfied with their lives, forever trying to gain approval from mummy and daddy, even after they're dead. You see it in underachievers too for the same reasons. Parenthood is inherently tyrannical, but it need not be totalitarian. It’s possible that had Jackson’s father not forced him and his siblings on the music scene, we might not even know the name Michael Jackson. He might have been a mechanic instead of a musician for all we know. Since Jackson plainly admitted to being miserable and lonely in his later years, it’s perfectly legitimate to ask whether he would have traded in his millions and his musical successes in exchange for life as a happy and content commoner who had that childhood he never got.

-Max