Healing Through Poison

The potential therapeutic value of psilocybin (the primary compound found in hallucinogenic mushrooms) is currently receiving scientific support nearly three decades after legal issues first led to the abandonment of legitimate scholarly research with hallucinogenic compounds. I have long been interested in the currently underground enterprise of psychedelic therapy and even aspire to work professionally in this field (pending substantial legal changes) in the future. Almost one year ago today, I was fortunate enough to gain an 'illegitimate' experience with assisting someone in obtaining therapeutic value from psychedelics.

I first met Dan at the “Gathering of the Vibes” music festival in Bridgeport, CT last summer. He was camped out next to my group of friends and we all quickly accepted him into our group due to the unfortunate set of circumstances he found himself in. Dan was supposed to arrive at the three-day festival with a few friends of his own who were traveling in a separate vehicle. Unfortunately, they had been apprehended by the authorities before gaining access to the campgrounds after being caught with a sizable quantity of marijuana. Dan was nonetheless determined to stay and enjoy as much of the experience as he could despite having arrived at this strange venue without the comfort of his associates.

Dan watched a few memorable music performances with my friends and I during the first night of the festival, but eventually decided to head back to the campsite without us. He subsequently decided to purchase and consume a couple grams of ‘magic mushrooms’ despite a lack of prior experience with psychedelic drugs. I would have strongly advised against this course of action had I been around before he ingested the fungi, given that he was in a strange place and with people he was generally unfamiliar with. To make matters worse, by the time my friends and I returned to camp, we were all getting ready to turn in for the night; only 20 minutes or so after Dan had dosed himself. The cardinal rule of psychedelic use is to take heed of the set and setting before ingestion; with set referring to one’s current state of mind, and setting referring to the physical environment one is in. In Dan’s case, his set and setting that night were far from ideal, especially for a first-time hallucinogen user.

I conferred with Dan for a short while after learning of his recent ill-informed experiment in order to check on his mental state. He seemed relatively stable at the time (almost an hour after ingestion), so I then proceeded to nobly attempt a short slumber. After napping for about 20 minutes or so, I woke up to hear Dan muttering to himself directly outside my tent. I soon became acutely aware that he was not doing well at all. He was in the throes of what is colloquially referred to as a ‘bad trip.' I got out of my tent and approached him with a measure of respect and caution given the fragile state I knew he was in.

“Having a rough time man?” I casually inquired.

“Do you hear that man talking?” he asked me with noticeable paranoia in his voice.

“I don’t hear anybody in particular talking right now Dan, but I can see how the various sounds around us may seem jumbled and confusing to you.”

“But he is talking to me!”

Dan was experiencing intense audio hallucinations of some man's voice directly addressing him and was understandably scared shitless by it. He had completely lost his grip on reality and therefore could not grasp the concept that his experience was the direct result of his intoxication. I have worked with psychotic individuals in the past, and it was clear to me that Dan was in the midst of a full-blown psychotic episode.

“I am leaving here right now,” he then told me as primordial fear flushed over his face.

“I don’t think that is a good idea in your condition Dan.” “Just remember that all the scary shit you are experiencing right now will disappear in a few short hours.” “I will stay with you the entire time in case you need my help.”

The empathy and caution I took in my approach to dealing with Dan seemed sufficient to dissuade him from wandering off and potentially harming himself or others (he later mentioned in passing a desire to kill himself). I encouraged him to sit in a chair nearby and to talk to me whenever he felt the need. I also took pains to express to him that I understood what he was going through. The truth was, however, that I really did not comprehend the madness swirling in his head. The most difficult experience I ever had with psychedelics did not even come close in comparison to the impaired reality testing Dan was experiencing. All of his inner-demons had banded together and were coming out to haunt him in the worst ways imaginable.

I observed Dan’s insanity for what seemed like an eternity for me, so I don’t even want to contemplate how long that period felt to him. I observed him engage in dialogues with various castigating voices in his head. He conversed with a bitchy ex-girlfriend, his mother, and the mysterious man that had first appeared to him. The most trying part of this process from my end was Dan's new obsession for keeping time, which he eventually became totally consumed by. This was certainly an unintended consequence of my earlier reassurances that his experience would be over in a relatively determined time-frame. At one point, he was checking his watch consistently, sometimes more than once a minute; each time, desperately hoping to see if the critical time-frame I had informed him of would be up. My patience for his new obsession soon began to wear thin and it also became clear to me that his time-keeping was doing him much more harm than good.

“You should probably give your watch to me for now.” “I think it is making your situation worse.”

This suggestion did not go over well initially. Dan was wholly unprepared to give up whatever shred of security his sense of linear time was affording him. Eventually however, he conceded to hand over the watch. This intervention seemed to at least provide subtle relief. Ironically though, my own attention to the time factor was adversely affecting me in that I began to question whether or not Dan truly was ever going to ‘come down’ from this psychotic episode. My concern peaked around the fifth hour of his intoxication; the point where copious amounts of prior experience had taught me one should no longer be in the acute intoxication phase and should therefore be in a fairly stable mental state. He was not even close to this point.

Over the next half hour or so, Dan did thankfully begin to show some signs of being slightly less frightened by his experience, although he was still hearing voices and displaying many other symptoms of psychosis. Although still mildly concerned for his welfare, I eventually felt secure enough to leave him to his own devices and once again nobly attempted to sleep.

The next morning, Dan was still feeling the residue from the mushroom intoxication and recounted having been significantly impaired for a number of hours after I left him the previous night. I continued to befriend Dan over the next two days of the festival and was amazed by how his brush with insanity had profoundly affected him in a positive way. For almost 48 straight hours straight, a notebook and pen never left his side as he feverishly jotted down notes, reflections, and remembrances from that fateful night. He soon admitted to me that his first mushroom trip had been the most important experience of his life, even despite the horrors he had encountered. Unfortunately, I did not get into great detail with Dan about the insights he had obtained, but suffice it to say, he felt as though a number of personal issues had been cleared up and a new perspective on his life had emerged.

The recent promising results from psilocybin research (e.g., Griffiths, et.al.) have established the legitimate therapeutic potential of psychedelic mushrooms. In these studies, however, the substance is administered under tightly controlled conditions with healthy volunteers. In contrast, Dan’s experience demonstrates how, even in less-than-ideal circumstances, with the right assistance, even a bad experience with psychedelics can be potentially therapeutic. Even still, safe and controlled use in a clinical setting with available professional help is obviously the most preferable method for obtaining the desired therapeutic outcome with this substance. This is why psychedelic research needs all the support it can get. Visit Maps.org now and check out all the amazing studies they are supporting. You or someone you love may very well be able to benefit from controlled use of such compounds in the future.

~Wolf